Hangover “Cures”
Why is “Cures” in quotes? Because there is no cure for the hangover. It’s just a collection of symptoms you get after drinking alcohol. What you can do is help yourself feel better and give your poor body the time and fuel it needs to get better. To learn more about what is actually happening to make that Hangover, check out this blog post!
A lot of these tips are going to be the same this post on how to not get too drunk in the first place. That’s because the same principles are at play. You need to hydrate, you need to get some food in you, and some of that has to have useful ingredients for your body. What I will do differently in this article is telling you specific hangover strategies I know of as well as address some that I disagree with.
Pictured: You, probably, right now.
The Basics
What To eat
So you’re feeling like shit? You need Liquids, Electrolytes, and Food. If you are rocking a regular hangover (feeling bad but able to move around and go places) then you’re good to load up on whatever carb heavy meals get the job done for you. Personally, I love breakfast foods like Pancakes, Waffles, and Biscuits and Gravy. Meat is okay but try not to get way too greasy with it. Burgers loaded up with all the good stuff (lettuce, tomato, fried egg) is also excellent hangover food.
If you have a more severe hangover and the thought of actual food is nauseating, it’s best to go back to simple. Typically I will (very slowly) eat a pack of ritz or saltine crackers. Plain bread or toast with a little butter is also very soothing. Especially if you’ve been vomiting. After you’ve done that for an hour or two, it’s time to graduate to soup. Ramen is my go to, but if you have something else with a little more heft or spice to it, have that. The important part is that there’s a lot of salt and liquid.
What To Drink
You pretty much cannot have enough liquids during this time. Water is good, but electrolytes are pivotal. Electrolyte powders, Gatorade, Powerade, Pedialyte and Juice would be my recommendations. Your kidneys have been working overtime and you need to replenish all the tools that they use to help run your body. If you are desperately trying to be ready for work or class or whatever, it is tempting to use energy drinks. I disapprove of these in general so I won’t recommend them, but if you really have to be functional, try to stick to a small one or half of an energy drink. Drinking 16+ ounces of pure energy is only going to delay your shitty feeling, it won’t actually help your body recover.
Painkillers
One of the most annoying symptoms of a hangover is the headache. Sometimes body ache too, depending on what you were up to. That means that reaching for your painkiller of choice is a common part of the morning. It’s pretty nitpicky, but I do recommend sticking to acetaminophen (Tylenol), just because it’s not a blood thinner and slightly safer than others. Alcohol lowers your blood pressure, you don’t want any other medications messing with it!
Specific Strategies
Or just right out of the jug is fine too
What I do - Easy Day
If I don’t have anything to do during this hangover, it’s all about taking it easy. Crackers, Toast, Electrolyte water, Burgers or Pizza for lunch as soon as I can handle it. I’m old now, so I usually don’t drink for a day or two after a hangover. Back in my day though, if I did this, I would be ready to party again by about 8:00 pm.
What I do - Working Day
Unfortunately there has been many a day where I did not have time to laze around and baby myself. This method is the one I used when I had to work or attend classes in the morning in spite of a hangover. I did this during my commute which was usually around 20 minutes.
1 Bottle Apple Juice (Any Juice really)
1 Bottle Chocolate Milk
2 Bottles Water
First thing when you wake up, drink a whole bottle (16 oz) of water as quickly as you can manage. Don’t chug it, just don’t linger. Next, Drink the apple (or preferred alternative) juice quickly. It shouldn’t be hard, this should be delicious given your poor, dehydrated body. After that you drink the Chocolate milk at a slower pace. I usually take about 10 minutes to get through this one. Finally, once all those are gone, keep drinking the last water. At the end of that bottle you should be ready to take a stab at the day, even if you’re not quite seizing it.
Hair of the Dog
It’s very, very important to keep in mind that Hair of The Dog does not work. If, by any chance you haven’t heard of it before, it’s where you ‘cure’ a hangover by drinking more alcohol. At best, this delays the hangover until later. Typically, since this hair of the dog takes the form of breakfast drinks like Mimosas or Bloody Mary’s, there is some effectiveness.. because you’re drinking Orange Juice and Tomato Juice. You would be better off with just the juice.
I.V. Drips
As we’ve already discussed, getting fluids inside of you as quickly as possible is the best way to combat a hangover. What better way than to bypass that pesky mouth and pump it directly into your veins? Some I.V. providers are mobile which can be really nice if you really can’t leave the house or you have a bunch of people who need I.V.s together. Most of these companies know exactly why you need the I.V. and have special blends of vitamins, electrolytes, and who knows what else to specifically combat hangovers. Keep in mind that while these places are generally safe and have to have licensed phlebotomists to actually stick you, the science behind their special hangover cocktails is suspect. Not that it will make you sick, so much as you pay $150+ for vitamins that you’re just going to pee out in an hour anyway. If you’ve got the money though, have fun!
“Cures” and “Supplements”
Gas station and late night tv specialties. If you’re really lucky, all that’s in these ‘cures’ are electrolytes, saline, or simple vitamins. If there was a real, proven, useful cure for hangovers, it would already be on every shelf in every store. The scientists would all be using it. Anything that these ‘Cures’ actually provide are probably the same electrolytes you can get elsewhere with a little dash of energy drink to make you think it’s working. And they’ll charge you 10 times anybody else for the pleasure.
Fun Fact! In a blog post I wrote in 2019, I linked to 5 different Hangover Cure sites. Of those, only one is still active. That one is a tablet made of caffeine and pain reliever that you put into water. I feel vindicated.
The Devil’s Lettuce
Well, this one actually is effective, assuming you are willing and able to use it. Pot (Weed, Marijuana, Mary Jane, Etc.) is a highly effective pain killer and nausea reducer. CBD frequently has the same properties if you are looking for a medicinal solution without any of the other… side effects. Mostly, it’s using pot to help you ride out the hangover until your body has time to recover. It has the added benefit of giving you the munchies and making you thirsty so you will more naturally eat and drink enough to help your body along.
How it feels once the hangover is gone
That’s it for us today! If you want to learn more, check out the blog posts below or head over to Patreon for exclusive content and the ability to send me questions and ideas for posts! Keep an eye out for How to Be 21, to be published in 2027!
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