Ordering Drinks at a Bar 101
According to the Henry J. Kaiser foundation, as of 2017, there were 28,348,600 adults between the ages of 19 and 25 living in the United States. That means that there are roughly 11,000 people turning 21, and ordering drinks for the first time on any given day. I don't know your life, but if it's anything like mine, a typical 21st birthday generally involves the following
Friends ordering shots, often with no input from the person doing them.
A wide variety of peoples’ favorite drinks being presented to the birthday-person for immediate consumption.
several bottles of low-quality alcohol being given as gifts
general drunkenness and frivolity
a nice dinner with your family on some later date where you order something off the menu that sounds pretty okay but tastes kinda crappy.
You know what I don't see a lot of? Education.
Nobody ever sits down and teaches you how to order drinks or what to order or even what is in the drinks that they are ordering for you. For most people, they are lucky to have one bartender friend who might tell them what is in a lemon drop or green tea shot. Otherwise, it pretty much comes down to watching and listening to other people and praying to god you can figure it out.
I think we can do better. Let’s get into it.
Side note, this is ONLY talking about hard liquor. Beer and wine are a little easier to navigate and don't have as many 'rules' for ordering.
Ordering Drinks: Spirits
The first thing you should know about are your Big 5 spirits: Vodka, Rum, Gin, Whiskey, Tequila. These are their general qualities:
Vodka
Neutral, colorless, flavorless (unless a flavored vodka)
good mixer
good for shots (especially flavored vodka)
Rum
Fruity and Spicy (like cinnamon spice)
great for shots
made from sugar
good for new drinkers
Gin
Tastes like Christmas trees
should not be done as a shot
not good for new drinkers
Whiskey
Amber colored
made from grains
also not great for shots
so/so for beginners
Tequila
Intense flavor
very popular in shots
prone to over-drinking and ruining tequila for you forever (which is a shame)
To say that these are the basics is an extreme understatement, but considering that you are reading this article, it's okay. We all have to start somewhere. These are the basic spirits/liquors/alcohols that you will encounter and are most likely what you are trying to order. From here we will progress to modifiers or "How do I want to drink this liquor and what will my bartender put into it?"
Ordering Drinks:
The Liquor & Mixer
The most basic of modifiers will be your "Liquor and Mixer". If you've hung around in bars much, you've probably heard someone ask for a "Whiskey and Coke" or "Gin and Tonic" or "Vodka Cranberry". These are you Liquor and Mixers. First you name the liquor (Vodka, Rum, Gin, etc.), then you name the mixer (Coke, Sprite, Ginger Ale, Tonic, etc..). As a side note, many bartenders (myself included) have a bit of a pet peeve about ordering drinks by listing your mixer first (e.g. Coke and Jack, Cranberry Vodka). It doesn't change anything but I guess that's why it's a pet peeve and not an actual problem.
Generally Good Mixers
Vodka
Cranberrry - Soda - Lemonade - Orange Juice - Sprite
Rum
Ginger ale - Coke - Fruit Punch - Pineapple Juice
Whiskey
Coke - Ginger Ale - Lemonade - Soda Water*
Gin
Tonic - Lemonade - Orange juice - Sprite
Tequila
Cranberry Juice - Orange Juice - Grapefruit Juice
If you go to your bartender and order drinks like a Whiskey and Coke or Tequila and Grapefruit Juice, they are hopefully going to ask you a few more questions. That’s where the next section comes into play.
The Liquor and Mixer:
Modifiers
Short, tall, double, neat, and many more... when you’re standing at the bar, these familiar words can seem very unfamiliar. Some of them you already know and some of them you could figure out, but I will testify that I get plenty of older guests ordering drinks using these words incorrectly or not at all. You will often use multiple modifiers to fully express how you want your beverage.
Short or Tall
This refers to how much mixer (soda or juice) you want in your drink. A 'short' drink will be served in a rocks glass with roughly equal portions of liquor to mixer. A 'tall' drink will be served in a larger glass with roughly two or three times as much mixer as liquor. If you don't want to taste the liquor as much, order tall. If you do want to taste it, order short.
Single or Double
This part refers to how much alcohol you want in your drink. At some bars (Restaurants, corporate bars), a standard pour is 1.25 oz of alcohol and a ‘Double” is 2 oz. At others (Dive bars, sports bars), the standard pour is 2 oz and a “double’ is 4 oz. This is something to keep in mind when ordering drinks and it will vary from bar to bar. Dive bars tend to have larger pours while corporate restaurants and high end bars have smaller pours.
Importantly, ordering a double doesn't usually change the size of the glass. This means that if you order a Double Whiskey and Coke, it may be served in the smaller rocks glass, meaning that you might have up to 4 oz of liquor, leaving only enough room for 2-3 oz of mixer. Some people want this. Some people don't. If you are one of those people that don't, you should order a "Double Tall" so that you maintain your 1:1 liquor to mixer ratio and effectively have 2 normal drinks in one glass.
On the other hand, many servers can assume that “Tall” means “Double”. If you want more mixer, but not more alcohol, you should clarify when ordering. Ask for a “Single, Tall” to be absolutely clear.
Up or Down?
This section is pretty easy, seeing as how it pertains primarily to Martinis. Primarily… but not always. When looking at a cocktail menu, you may notice that it has a little martini glass next to it or even says martini in the description. If you don’t want a martini glass for whatever reason (manliness, clumsiness, etc), it is always acceptable to ask for the drink “Down” or “On the Rocks”. Fair warning though, if you are ordering it Down out of a misguided sense of manliness, you may be judged.
If you are actually ordering a martini though, that warrants it's own post entirely. Conveniently I've already made that, so if you're ready to take your drinking to the next level, check that out! Martinis are often seen as much more overwhelming than they truly are.
Ordering Drinks:
Be Specific about your Liquor
Well
When someone is ordering drinks in a movie, they never use brand names. Do you know why that is? Because they don't want to deal with the hassle of either getting permission or getting sponsorship. Since they can't ask for specifics, they ask for a 'whiskey and coke' or a 'vodka and tonic' If you ask for this at a dive bar, you will likely get the 'Well' spirit: the lowest shelf, cheapest stuff they've got. You might pay $4 for the drink... they paid $4 for the whole bottle, sometimes less. Some of this stuff is so cheap that you won't even find it on the shelf at your local liquor store. It's strictly 'dive bar well'.
Nicer bars will have spirits that you do know as their Well. You can tell because they will not be $4 drinks.
Call
In the event that your bartender is not too busy or they are practicing their up-sell, they might ask you what spirit your are looking for in particular. This usually when you say a 'call' liquor: something you know the name of. Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, Smirnoff, Captain Morgan, Cuervo... though many people consider them to be 'bottom shelf', they are still the names you know the best. While they are often on special at dive bars, at more structured bars, these will generally cost $1-2 more than the 'well' equivalent.
Mid-Range
This isn’t a well defined range of alcohols. Many spirits that I would put in this category could reasonably be called top shelf. It is primarily differentiated by it’s price. If your “Well” drink is $4, your “Call” drink will be $5/$6. The Top Shelf will cover $10 and up, which leaves a bit of a gap in the middle. Makers Mark, El Jimador, and Hennesy all come to mind. They are brands that you know but aren’t intimidating.
Top Shelf
In marketing, "top shelf" means premium spirits and premium prices for the discerning customer. Often, in practice, the top shelf is going to be basically anything on the back bar, or behind the bartender. If they have to turn around to get it, you are paying more. Some of these names will be very familiar to the average customer: Grey Goose, Patron, Hendricks, Gentleman Jack, etc. When ordering drinks with these, you can expect to pay an additional $4+ a drink.
DISCLAIMER: This is absolutely NOT how the alcohol industry itself categorizes the different spirits and brands. The usually go with well, call, premium, super-premium, and top shelf. For general purposes you can assume everything over call is more expensive, with some items (like Louis XIII) being absurdly expensive. Usually if it has a special display case or light or is sitting way up high, it's going to be really expensive.
But what if I don't want a mixer?
Well good for you! You've graduated to the next level of spirits enthusiasm: drinking without mixers. Or you are just ordering a shot, which I suppose is fine too.
Shots
Shots are different than the other two categories I'm about to talk about because of how you are intended to consume them. You can get your shot chilled (shaken over ice, then poured out colder and more diluted) or straight, where the bartender pours it out of the bottle and into the glass and right over to you. Either way, you drink the whole thing down with as much expediency as possible. Some shots, like Tequila, have a whole ritual surrounding their imbibing.
Many people will ask for a chaser, or a separate glass with a non-alcoholic soda or juice to help stop the burning from the shot. It is also not uncommon to ask for a beer as a chaser/accompaniment to the shot, which in the United States is often called a "Boilermaker" for… reasons?
Neat?
The only real difference between a straight shot and a liquor 'neat' is going to be how you drink it and maybe what glass your bartender serves your drink in. A Whiskey (or Gin, or Vodka) Neat is just the spirit of your choice, poured straight out of the bottle and into a nicer glass (rocks glass or snifter) and served. Unlike the Shot above, you do not drink this as fast as possible. You sip on it over the course of 15+ minutes and savor the taste. Obviously there will be a quality difference in the spirits you might choose when ordering drinks like this. You might do a shot of Fireball, but you will order Angels Envy Neat.
On the Rocks?
Step 1: Pour the spirit Neat, as explained above
Sep 2: Add Ice
Well, not quite. Some people can be quite particular about their ice actually, seeing as how it comes in all different shapes and qualities. Many people prefer large spheres which melt more slowly or even Whiskey Stones which are literal rocks that keep your drink cold without diluting the alcohol at all. If you are at a regular bar that only keeps normal ice, the bartender might ask you how many rocks you want in your drink. The typical answers are (1), (3), or “plenty” (at least where I’ve worked).
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