The Different Types of Bars
…And What to order when you’re there.
Full disclaimer, this whole post is all opinions. They are based on my experience both bartending and drinking in a wide variety of places. Fundamentally, there are only a few ‘types’ of bars. Sometimes there is a little cross-over, like a dive bar that’s also a sports bar… but it will primarily be one or the other. This list is in order of ‘niceness’, not as a measurement of how much I’d like to go there, just as a measurement of the cost and kinds of drinks you can get. I love a good dive bar, but I won’t be getting mezcal old fashions there.
Before you go on... have you read Part 1?
How to Order Drinks At A Bar
In the previous post we covered the basics of ordering liquor and mixers as well as shots. If you’re new to drinking it’s one of our most popular and helpful posts!
Dive Bars
Still too nice for a dive bar…
(AKA Neighborhood or corner bar)
...or really anywhere that you feel like you could show up in pajama bottoms at 7:00 and it wouldn't cause a stir. Jukeboxes, Door Security, Loud Music, Regulars that might as well be furniture for all they move. All these and rock bottom prices are the classic hallmarks of a dive bars. Personally, I never order a cocktail at a dive bar. Beer or Liquor & Mixer are by far the safest and most common drinks. Not to disparage these bartenders, many know how to make an excellent cosmopolitan or Mai-Tai... but I can guarantee you that they don't want to. I can also tell you that that martini glass they are using (if they have it) has been sitting in the same spot for several months. If it's cocktails you want, go somewhere else tonight.
The Club
Nobody actually looks as good as in this photo… If they do, you’re drunk.
Now, I also wouldn't order cocktails at a bona-fide club, but for totally different reasons. Partially, this is again because the bartenders are busy and don't want to make complicated drinks. In a high volume environment, taking the time to muddle a Mojito or stir a Manhattan can completely throw off your mojo. I also don't like to order cocktails in the club either. It's a pain in the ass to order complicated drinks when I can't even hear myself think, much less hold a conversation. When you are ordering in the club, you should be getting either Beer, Liquor & Mixers, or Shots. For best service, check out the recommendations below. These are best for you and best for the bartender
Have the order ready when the bartender gets to you. You should know your groups order before you even step up to find a place.
Know your brands if you care about them. Some Clubs will give you Well Liquors which might taste bad. I've been to some that give you Grey Goose when you say "Vodka Cran". Be Specific.
Keep it short. My rule is no more than 4 types of drink. YES the bartender CAN remember 6+ different drinks but it will take a heck of a lot longer. Compare:
A) Good Order for Party of 6: 3 Michelob Ultras, 2 Vodka Cranberries, 1 Pinot Grigio and 6 Lemon Drop Shots
B) Not Good Order for Party of 6: 1 Michelob Ultra, 2 Bud Lights, 1 Vodka Cran, 1 Rum and Coke, 1 Mojito, 3 Lemon Drop Shots, 3 Melon Ball Shots1 person handles the ordering and paying. If you don't want to buy your friends drinks, then don't order all together. If you do order all together, the bartender will put the bill all together... and be very irritated when you all take 10 minutes to sort out who owes what and how to distribute the cash and cards. They will be even more irritated when you do it 6 more times in the next hour and a half.
Corporate Bars
You know what a Chilis Looks like. If you don’t… well… welcome to America, have a great time!
For the most part, the difference between a 'corporate' restaurant and an 'upscale' restaurant refers more to the style than necessarily the ownership structure. A 'Corporate' restaurant feels and acts like an Applebees. It may be a local version, but the important thing is that it feels like it. Many sports bars fall into this category.
Here is where you can finally start ordering cocktails... sort of. Personally, I recommend sticking to the usual liquor and mixers, but you can also count on their menu cocktails to be pretty decent. House drinks usually include at least one margarita listing, more if it's a Mexican food place. They will have spiked lemonade, a 'tropical' drink, and a Moscow Mule twist. Depending on where you are at, they might throw in some breakfast cocktails too like mimosas and Bloody Marys.
The point being that you can safely know what you are getting at these bars. The cocktails will all be just a little too sweet for the experienced drinker and occasionally too sweet for the inexperienced drinker. If you get to know the bartender at one of these places well, then you can start to branch out into other classic cocktails that you are sure they can make.
Also, it doesn't hurt to let your bartender know you are interested in trying something new (if you are a regular) and let them do a little research. Usually the bartenders at these kinds of places are simply servers who got promoted and got roughly 3 days of training in the bar... Most of which will be procedural rather than cocktail-focused. I should know, it's how I got started. Give the bartender a chance, communicate clearly, and they will most likely do their best to make your drink the way that you want it.
Upscale Restaurant Bars
If it feels expensive, that’s because it is.
When I walk into an upscale restaurant, I have full confidence that I can order a Manhattan or a Martini or Old Fashioned and be pleased with the results. The person behind the bar is an industry professional... or at least they got much more rigorous training than the guy at Applebees. The managers are also definitely industry professionals and should be a great resource for bartenders trying to make classic cocktails.
The house cocktail menu here will also be of a higher quality, usually having their own twists on Smashes, Tiki Drinks, and Sours. In today's cocktail culture, these drinks should be well balanced and made with quality ingredients. I would definitely trust this bartender to 'Surprise Me' with a great cocktail, but I usually have something in mind already when I'm ordering drinks at a place like this.
This is also the ‘niceness level’ that I have full confidence with everyone ordering something different. At the Corporate Bar, I’m not worried about inconveniencing anyone… I’m just worried that ordering 6 different drinks at once means that at least one will come out wrong. Your mileage may vary, but I tend to err on the safe side unless I know the server or bartender personally.
The Cocktail Bar
This was shot pre-covid. 9 friends would never get this close to each other anymore.
Depending on where you live, you might have access to a lot of high end bars. New York, San Francisco, and New Orleans are going to have some of the best cocktail bars in the world, but that doesn't mean they are exclusive. I live in Phoenix and we have several incredible places to get cocktails: Bitter and Twisted, The Breadfruit, Undertow, Honor Amongst Thieves, and many more. Luckily, at least in Arizona, "high-end" doesn't mean you have to get dressed up. At all of these places you will find a mix of hipster, casual, business, date night, and sometimes downright strange. Come as you are and always let the bartender surprise you.
Not only are the bartenders here extremely talented and well trained, but they are also very passionate. You don't get to be a bartender here by just because you can successfully flavor margaritas. Not only are the cocktails on the menu going to be incredible, but you can safely rely on the bartender to have some experience with the more unusual classic cocktails. A Corpse Reviver, Sazerac, or Champagne Cocktail shouldn't even make them blink. They should have a preferred method of making (and drinking) Martinis and Manhattans. They have strong opinions and probably plenty of fun facts about alcohol and cocktail history. If you truly want to experiment and branch out with cocktails, this is the place to go.
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